Dear New Mama,

Do you feel like you aren’t getting a moment’s rest? No time to take a shower, to eat something without being interrupted by a sudden wailing? And sleep? What’s that?? How was life before a baby (or a twister more like) rolled out and took complete control of it?! you may wonder.

Many have gone through this before and many still do. But when you are in the thick of it all, it is hard not to assume you are all alone in this. It is nice and necessary to connect with other mamas.

https://www.inc.com/

Motherhood is something nothing can prepare you for. When everyone asked me to get all the sleep I could before a new baby arrived, I found it funny! I thought I would be different, my baby would be different. Thank God I believed it, I enjoyed my first pregnancy in all that ignorance! I hope you enjoyed every bit of that baby inside you, the flutterings in your belly, the relief of listening to the lubdubs of a tiny heart beating, the excitement of the arrival of a new being into your life. It is all too precious!

Now that your baby is here, get all the help you can. You don’t have to do it all. You’re hanging in there, trying not to lose your mind. That’s more than enough. You don’t have to have a clean house, 3 different meals a day. You don’t have to be the perfect wife, the fun mama to your older child. These roles will be waiting for you whenever you are ready.

I know it is annoying when someone gives you advice (without your asking) or tells you to do something differently. It is hard to let it be. But know in your heart that it all comes from a place of love and concern for you.

Take time for yourself… go for a stroll, do some stretches, take a long shower, go for a drive. Spend time with that amazing person (you!) even for a few minutes.

You must’ve put your career, your everything on hold for this baby. Have faith in yourself and these words that it will be waiting for you to get back when you’re ready. If not, you’ll figure something out. A job that doesn’t respect a mother and raising kids is not worth keeping.

And you will eventually get to this other side where we’re waiting, rooting for you. Your baby won’t remain that cute, colicky munchkin forever. It will grow up and you will too. As you fret and fear and lose yourself in the muddle of mommyhood, take time to breathe, to resurface, to look around and cherish what you already have…

Love,

Your friend and sister.

Thoughts on motherhood and a career

As a new parent, I have new responsibilities now. My first priority is my son and then comes everything else- My husband, the rest of my family, our home and so on. So what about my career? Where should I put this on my list? What will happen to all the years I spent studying and getting a degree from a prestigious college in Dubai? What will happen to all the effort I put in to get to the level I’m in my career?

This doesn’t mean I’m saying it’s not enough to be a stay-at-home mom or a home-maker. It’s not easy to take care of a home, kids, in-laws and still find time to do something for oneself!! I have seen my mother, sister and all the women in my family do it. But what if you desire to have something more? To be more than who you are right now?

A full-time Childcare is not affordable in Switzerland (I am sure this is the case in many countries). I don’t have anybody other than my husband to take care of my little one. So the option I had was to cut down on the work I was doing. And what was the outcome? I saw a difference in the behavior of my peers towards me. All the good and big projects were and still are given to my male counterpart. When most of the men get their promotions, I won`t be getting any.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way trying to demotivate women from having babies. Neel is the best thing to have happened in my life. I wouldn’t change that for anything!! What I am trying to convey here is If you feel like the whole world is passing you by and you feel stuck in one place, like you are not able to keep up,  it’s OK to step back and watch everyone run. One day, your turn will come too, when the world will stop to watch you grab the stars! Until then, why not enjoy and be grateful for the things we are blessed with in our lives?

-Madhurya.

Around here

Around here-

  1. I’ve been feeling kinda down lately, like I have a ton of things and thoughts swirling in my head needing my immediate attention and weighing me down.
  2. I’ve not been able to read anything for a longer stretch of time, except browse other blogs and recipes online. I picked up my favorite “The Happiness Project” and couldn’t read further than a couple of chapters. I started “Gilead”, another bestseller, and I had to toss it aside as I could not focus.
  3. I’m trying to get Medha to learn the parts of Body in words for a test without much success.
  4. We’re figuring out how to use my brand-new Morphy Richards Convection Oven: Butter Naan came out hard while Whole-Wheat Pizza came out doughy. No more Baking for a while!
  5. Rains have been few and far between, and Mosquitoes have swarmed the place.
  6. I tried a lot of new recipes I found online; None tasted as good as I hoped.
  7. I haven’t finished a Birthday Project I began with Medha.
  8. I feel like I need a change, but not sure what sort of.

Sounds depressing, right? Don’t worry (especially you, mother). I’ll be fine. Everyone feels this way- confused, scattered, down, sad, worried- now and then. It’s mostly due to exhaustion and less sleep. It also happens when you do not take things light and slow.

I need to do one thing at a time, work on one thought at a time. And forget the rest… until it is time to focus on the next.  And smile, and laugh a lot, even though sulking and complaining comes easily. And, of course, be grateful for all the big and small joys and an ordinary, uneventful life.

Yeah. I get it!

So let me have another go…

Around here-

  1. I’m trying to be mindful of what I eat- fruits instead of desserts, dry fruits instead of biscuits.
  2. We’ve been cooking and eating a lot of bottle-gourds, colocasia leaves, drum-sticks, and banana flowers fresh from our Farm lately.
  3. I’m meeting and befriending new Moms at Medha’s Tennis lessons- Very accomplished and down-to-earth Women.
  4. We’re looking forward to our next weekend getaway to the Black-buck Resort in Bidar.
  5. I met Medha’s teacher, Subhashini Ma’am, at the Parents-Teachers-Meeting and learnt that Medha is doing just fine at school. She just needs to overcome her shyness towards her Teachers and practice a few words everyday.
  6. I just began reading Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru’s “An Autobiography”. The description of his childhood and his Voice (I can almost hear it!), that sounds as if it is dripping with honey, have kept me engrossed for now. I want to read this to learn a bit of Indian History and also in honor of the upcoming Independence Day.
  7. Medha and Madhav know the appropriate use of words like “Thank you”, “Please” and “Sorry”. Their gesture, coupled with their gentle voice (especially Medha’s),  just melt my heart down and make me feel like I have the sweetest kids in the whole world (Not always, but very often).
  8. I’m coming up with ideas to write blog posts even when nothing much is going on or my mind is a blank space, like right now!

See… I feel so better already. Like I say, Writing everything down is a sort of conversation I have with Prasad or my Sister. It helps me clear out the fog in my brain, make sense of what’s going on and come up with solution. It cheers me up and makes me feel like myself again.

If you’re reading this, it means you’ve taken the time out of your busy schedule to learn what’s going on in my life. My most humble, heartfelt gratitude to you. Thanks for letting me share my stories, my life with you…. I hope YOU don’t forget to write  and share yours too.

Love,

Manasa.